His hands were made for my vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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