Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
