i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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