i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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