I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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