Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
