Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
