thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
