i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
