Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
