Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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