So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
