it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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