another moral hangover. fuck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
