Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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