I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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