im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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