Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
