I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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