Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
