I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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