I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
