then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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