Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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