hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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