Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
