I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
