Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
