My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
