don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
