you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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