You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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