I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
