All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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