she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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