It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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