I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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