Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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