So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
