I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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