Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
