I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
