He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
being pregnant is like rehab
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
