can we get nightvision for the apartment?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
