yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
