I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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