Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
