Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
3 2 1 whiskey
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
