He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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