I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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