Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life is pants optional.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
