FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
