do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
